Ever
since the demon disease called chicken pox and the speedy passing of
time combined deadly forces to whittle down the enthusiasm of writing about my
twenty one days orientational experience in Kogi NYSC camp, posterity has been tormenting
urging me to ink down something and so...........
Now,
after I was shown my accommodation that rested on a rocky area which looked
like the place the first man saw the stones with which he made fire; I was then
taken to my Place of
From
my visual expedition, I knew it wouldn't take long before my senses would start
feeling like I’d mistakenly walked into a time machine that had teleported me
to retro Nigeria.
If
not for anything else, the fact that nowadays, my daily regimen most times
include: chasing of squirrels and trying to smoke them out of their holes;
climbing the ubiquitous cashew tree, telling folklore stories to my landlady's
kids while cooking with firewood in the evenings. These are worthy testaments
to my new found primitiveness.
In fact,
I’d at one point pinched an acre of my skin to the
colour red just
to know if am not caught up in one of Achebe's classics bearing the name
Chukwuemeka or Ezeugo.
But
as a dogged student of the school of change, my transition to the ape-man
reality has come with no obvious side effects.
I
have even learnt the different shitty looks; that’s the look you give when
you're just coming out of the bush after shitting doing the needful. The
look that is between yes I just went there to shit defecate- so!? Or the
one that implies no oooo!, I just went to the bush to check if I’ll see any
baby left for dead in the forest by a heartless parent: it’s my passion you
know.
I
have mastered all these faces and I can reflexively display them depending on
the divide of stupidity that person falls in my head.
Sadly,
one look still eludes me. This is the one you defecate in someone's uncompleted
building. Yes I know; my morality is now lower than the height of Aki and
Pawpaw. Get off your moral high horses peeps! He who is without sin……where was I?
right, moving on….. And as your coming out of the building, you see the owner
of the building looking straight at you and you give him the can’t you see that
there isn’t any toilet around and didn’t you do it in another's building at one
point in your life kind of look.
As I
said, have not mastered this technique because failure to execute it perfectly
could take you to the hospital with a squashed eye socket or if you’re lucky,
the experience will leave some vacancy in your dentition.
I
have really adapted. Am even used to the drudgery of correcting my students
that the expression is excuse me sir and not escuuhs sir.
Well,
by some stroke of divine relocation, I moved away from my ancient-of-days
accommodation to one that has the faintest semblance of what is defined as
urbanization according to the Nigerian dictionary.
This
is my bus-stop. Posterity hope you’re happy now and oh yea, today made it a
year that I was attacked, incapacitated, destroyed diagnosed with Ebola
Chicken pox. Health is so underated!
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