FORGET THE NEWS; WATCH NICKELODEON!

In my undergrad days, a lecturer of mine that I would best describe as a nonconformist, had a statement attributed to an American author and humorist Mark twain plastered on his office wall that reads: “if you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed”

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Didn’t put much thought to it back then cause I had more important things to worry about as a student like: how to apply cold water starch on my shirt without the dreaded starchy seed effect; perfecting the art of attending 7am classes; how to tell your parents that if they don’t send you money before the weekend, you would die; how to stop doing assignment for ladies for free etc (don’t judge me)

Now am all grown, earning some level above the minimum wage and therefore worthy to talk about all things state of the nation (forgive my warped syllogism)

I have followed political and social events from traditional news outlets to the amplified social media platforms but the problem is that watching happenings especially political ones in Nigerian can leave you utterly disillusioned.

 It felt really cool at one point feeding on news items because you realise that your cartoon network state of mind has finally been shed away; but at what cost?

With Nigerian news inundating your mind, one is constantly feeling like a partner in an abusive relationship: the lies, battering and constant emotional pain. You try to maintain a normalcy bias that “all is well” but nothing feels more hurtful than someone that constantly disappoints you.

You hear how leaders take turns to sink their hands into the hamper basket of our collective treasure. Dasukigate,  EFCCgate,  Abachafloodgate, Nimasadoor, DSSwindow; every single news smeared with some billions in them.

 Leaders come, go; change party, change manifestoes; change regalia, change mantra but in the end: “same shit, different toilet”

Nothing surprises me anymore and when I stumble upon a depressing news item or see one in my timeline, I just smile, take the remote and turn to Nickelodeon because the life expectancy in Nigeria is way too low and anti-depressant pill is way too expensive to be a Nigerian news enthusiast.