Wednesday, 6 January 2016

MY TERTIARY ROMANCE WITH POETRY


MASTA BLASTA BAND





PRESENTS




REBIRTH 2012













THEME:

CELEBRATING A NEW DAWN










REBIRTH

INTRODUCTION

The strides of the past
Do not compare to the vision I see.
I stood tall
When men from afar
Paddled ashore
With words of spirituality,
Truth and trade,
Defying the thick gigantic forest
Of Atamkpa, Etung, Ikom and Boki.
When that structure was erected,
A haven for our children
Instructed in numbering and a new tongue.
I saw forests give way to roads
And the wicker lamp,
To bulbs of illumination
When speed was broken
At every mile
And bridges connected communities.
But even all of these
Do not measure
To this foresight.



Behold,
I present to you
 The dawn of a new age.
Our eyes do not blink
For we know no darkness
I present to you an era of diversity
Where our treasures
Extend beyond the black gold.
Our land,
A cascade of fruitfulness,
The romance of milk and honey.
See,
A new breed of rulers
Selfless and sacrificing
And a people,
Who fear not the cover of dusk
Nor hide at the sound of a bang,
‘Cause all of these
Are but phantom,
Unimaginable, unfathomable.

GENESIS

Some have told great tales
Of my native tongue
Pointing to the Bantus.
But I say that I am distinct,
Like the rare species
Of the tropical rain forest,
Plants and animals
Lost to the rest of the world.
My tongue is my mother’s

I speak the truth
‘Cause when we gather
To celebrate the harvest of yams,
Whether Leboku or Ibibum,
We are but one.
Our differences are yesterday,
It’s a new day.

Adorned with the traditional regalia
Of the Ukwa warriors
Regardless,
Our bout is not of war
But sportsmanship.
Men of bare torso
Competition is our strength

Hear our neighbours cheer
And strangers nod
To the sound of Ekombi
Clothed with beautiful attires
And lovely head gears,
Beads and anklets
Let your dance steps
Bedazzle onlookers
You will be named
With the likes of Ekeledi,
Obim and Giza

Our calabash overflow
With oil from kernels
The green of the land
Like carpet atop grass
The drought of yesterday
Lost in time
Observe the vista
Of a new morning.


EVOLUTION

Again,
my eyes behold intricate designs
Dating back
Patterns perplexing
Like Victorian structures
Of the towns of Henshaw and Duke


I gaze upon
Glistening faces
A parade of peacocks
The colourful display
Of petals
Like the flowers
Of a garden

I’m awe struck
By the movement of feet
In sync
Like the ripples
Of a calm sea

I forget the desertness
Of these roads
For my mind
Is enraptured
By the great
Ensemble of people
Far and wide
Each one
With the white man’s box
That captures reality
With a flash of its light

Oblivious to the past
Having killed the nymph
Of yesterday
And evolved into
A dragonfly,
A sight for sore eyes
Espy the painting
Of a new morning.



DAWN

And though we’re tanned
By the heat of the sun,
We are wise
As the sages of ages.
Our brains, big
For we are aliens
Of higher education

Our minds picture procreation
Labour without pain
Or scars.

These clouds darkened
By flying saucers,
Hovering,
Ready for touchdown
Technology’s arm
Outstretched,
Beyond human conception
Wireless phones,
Giving way to
Cable-less transformers
And bulbs without switches

Who says the blast
Of the past
Are the best of our efforts?
Spring-up funk, pop,
Metallic-rock
On the high lapels
Of big names
Dressed fancy
With all the glitz,
Glamour and razzmatazz
Of the famous
Our music,
Sung in the farthest of lands
Envision the break
Of a new dawn.


 co-written by: Jerry Emegbo and Lenora moné Thomas

  content piece for masta blasta band, Calabar festival 2012.
































Wednesday, 23 December 2015

RICE, CHICKEN AND THE GHOST OF SKINNIER TIMES


(NOT FOR THE FATTY HEARTED)

Well it’s almost Christmas again; the Nigerian Olympics for rice cooking, fuel scarcity and the torture of listening to Christmas song everywhere you turn……..Feliz Navidad, propesro ańoy Felicidad  (repeat 1000000x)

Christmas is big on our minds for a lot of reasons but for some, and at one point for me, it was another pivotal period to enter the fattening room and fight the demon called fast metabolism. Now without trying to sound unnecessarily cerebral like some school lecturers, fast metabolism is basically what makes skinny people remain skinny.

I warned you didn’t I? If you have been all about that bass (fat) without treble (slim) all your life, this might sound more confusing than our country’s politics.

Remember Fido Dido?  That skinny animated 7up sensation during the early 90s; way before Nigerians relegated the drink to what you just mix with “ugwu” leaf to cure acute malaria. Never been called that? Then you don’t know how important the struggle is during this period.
You enter into a crowded place and your head drops evil lines:

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall; who is the skinniest of them all”

Spare a thought to when your plans for the festive period, was narrowed to just eating enough food to ensure that when you get to school to resume a semester, friends would flower you with compliments:

 ‘Ahan! Na u be this? See as you don fat!
Chai! So u fit fine like this?
Abeg, Abeg, no reduce, so na school dey make u look like suffer person?’ 

Kind of validates the thought that some of us are not really ugly but just skinny, stressed and maybe broke.
Some of us now have gotten married, given birth, left school, gotten a job, now a boss and the slim monster has finally been defeated. Although fatty tissue is not necessarily the consequence of all these, but my point is this:
Forever doesn’t exist on earth

Today, it might be about food and the moving away from the depression of the ‘skinnies’; tomorrow it might be the battle to shake off being super-sized, broke, jobless, unmarried, loveless, sick or anything that faults your reality. Like many things in this life, these too shall pass.
So as you enjoy the Christmas, make laughs and create moments, remember: the challenges of life fades just like the season….

Have a chicken filled Christmas people.











Tuesday, 15 December 2015

FORGET THE NEWS; WATCH NICKELODEON!


In my undergrad days, a lecturer of mine that I would best describe as a nonconformist, had a statement attributed to an American author and humorist Mark twain plastered on his office wall that reads: “if you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed”
.
Didn’t put much thought to it back then cause I had more important things to worry about as a student like: how to apply cold water starch on my shirt without the dreaded starchy seed effect; perfecting the art of attending 7am classes; how to tell your parents that if they don’t send you money before the weekend, you would die; how to stop doing assignment for ladies for free etc (don’t judge me)

Now am all grown, earning some level above the minimum wage and therefore worthy to talk about all things state of the nation (forgive my warped syllogism)
I have followed political and social events from traditional news outlets to the amplified social media platforms but the problem is that watching happenings especially political ones in Nigerian can leave you utterly disillusioned.

 It felt really cool at one point feeding on news items because you realise that your cartoon network state of mind has finally been shed away; but at what cost?

With Nigerian news inundating your mind, one is constantly feeling like a partner in an abusive relationship: the lies, battering and constant emotional pain. You try to maintain a normalcy bias that “all is well” but nothing feels more hurtful than someone that constantly disappoints you.

You hear how leaders take turns to sink their hands into the hamper basket of our collective treasure. Dasukigate,  EFCCgate,  Abachafloodgate, Nimasadoor, DSSwindow; every single news smeared with some billions in them.

 Leaders come, go; change party, change manifestoes; change regalia, change mantra but in the end: “same shit, different toilet”

Nothing surprises me anymore and when I stumble upon a depressing news item or see one in my timeline, I just smile, take the remote and turn to Nickelodeon because the life expectancy in Nigeria is way too low and anti-depressant pill is way too expensive to be a Nigerian news enthusiast.
 

Friday, 17 July 2015

OLODO MOMENTS



Ignorance they say is bliss but not when its staring you right in the face……….
So I was watching the movie Interstellar a while back and I must say that have never really felt such conscious stupidity while watching a movie (ok maybe this one time when I was watching the movie The theory of everything). Probably because I pride myself with the idea that am a dialogue movie kinda guy. But there were just too many mumbo jumbos that were obviously unintelligible for my brain cells to decrypt. Gibberish like black hole, big bang theory, alternative galaxy, time dimensions: all messing with my knowledge of integrated science.

Olodo moment like this will make you miss your Nollywood roots and in that I mean, straight to the point script- no long thing! This is Nollywood script in a nutshell: poor gal, wicked step-mum, herbalist requesting for the left eye of an earth worm; handsome prince, prince meets poor gal, wicked mum dies from a heinous disease that puzzles medical science; big society wedding – Godwin! Shikena!! 
Obviously you don’t need to know jack about Quantum Physics to understand that plot. Olodo moment can also make you appreciate the fact that you can watch a kung fu movie without any form of audio feedback:  just listen to nothing but silence as Jet Li goes on to avenge the death of his master.

The sad thing about Olodo moment especially the one inspired by Hollywood flick is that your educational progression from the lowest to the highest will now look like one big twisted charade of some sort. Like you went to buy Akara beancake and they gave you the ororo groundnut-oil soaked paper wrapper without the beancake (that’s my alternative definition of Nigeria Education).

The thing is that, no man is an island of knowledge and yes, it’s not your fault as it were. Blame it on hereditary if you like (allusive insult is unintended: my parents taught me better than to insult elders explicitly); blame it on your science teacher that couldn’t explain one topic without the aid of the science textbook in front of him; hey, blame it on the government or in fact blame the devil, I don’t really care.

All am saying is, when your Olodo moment comes: whether it was inspired by a movie; a question you were asked by a kid (uncle, what’s the difference between a turtle and a tortoise); a trick teaser (are the states in Nigeria still 36 after adding the FCT?)  Or even when you were hit with the question while ranting politics at the office like you single handedly brought APC to power (please sir, what’s the name of the national chairman of the APC?)
 Don’t feel shy or embarrassed at that very moment; just embrace it. Bask in what you are at that moment- an Ignoramus!  Enjoy its fleeting essence and after it sizzles down, mehn! Google away your ignorance like you were told that it was going to be the first question in a written test.

Believe me, Google knows best sometimes………..

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Time travelling in reverse order




Ever since the demon disease called chicken pox and the speedy passing of time combined deadly forces to whittle down the enthusiasm of writing about my twenty one days orientational experience in Kogi NYSC camp, posterity has been tormenting urging me to ink down something and so...........

Now, after I was shown my accommodation that rested on a rocky area which looked like the place the first man saw the stones with which he made fire; I was then taken to my Place of Punitive Primary Assignment (PPA).
From my visual expedition, I knew it wouldn't take long before my senses would start feeling like I’d mistakenly walked into a time machine that had teleported me to retro Nigeria.


If not for anything else, the fact that nowadays, my daily regimen most times include: chasing of squirrels and trying to smoke them out of their holes; climbing the ubiquitous cashew tree, telling folklore stories to my landlady's kids while cooking with firewood in the evenings. These are worthy testaments to my new found primitiveness.
In fact, I’d at one point pinched an acre of my skin to the colour red just to know if am not caught up in one of Achebe's classics bearing the name Chukwuemeka or Ezeugo.

But as a dogged student of the school of change, my transition to the ape-man reality has come with no obvious side effects.
I have even learnt the different shitty looks; that’s the look you give when you're just coming out of the bush after shitting doing the needful. The look that is between yes I just went there to shit defecate- so!? Or the one that implies no oooo!, I just went to the bush to check if I’ll see any baby left for dead in the forest by a heartless parent: it’s my passion you know.

I have mastered all these faces and I can reflexively display them depending on the divide of stupidity that person falls in my head.
Sadly, one look still eludes me. This is the one you defecate in someone's uncompleted building. Yes I know; my morality is now lower than the height of Aki and Pawpaw. Get off your moral high horses peeps! He who is without sin……where was I? right, moving on….. And as your coming out of the building, you see the owner of the building looking straight at you and you give him the can’t you see that there isn’t any toilet around and didn’t you do it in another's building at one point in your life kind of look.

As I said, have not mastered this technique because failure to execute it perfectly could take you to the hospital with a squashed eye socket or if you’re lucky, the experience will leave some vacancy in your dentition.
I have really adapted. Am even used to the drudgery of correcting my students that the expression is excuse me sir and not escuuhs sir.
Well, by some stroke of divine relocation, I moved away from my ancient-of-days accommodation to one that has the faintest semblance of what is defined as urbanization according to the Nigerian dictionary.
This is my bus-stop. Posterity hope you’re happy now and oh yea, today made it a year that I was attacked, incapacitated, destroyed diagnosed with Ebola Chicken pox. Health is so underated!


Sunday, 28 December 2014

The impermanence of perfection




I have come to realise that love and in fact life isn’t as smooth as the voice of Adele. For the most part, it’s like Obasanjo trying to sing a song by Maxwell or worse, trying to sing through the treacherous inflections found in D'angelo's songs.

You know, watching a lot of "happily ever after" cartoons and movies have a way of feeding the HD of our imagination with inconclusive afterthought of a Disney princess loved forever by a perfect prince-charming both living in a diamond castle surrounded by beautiful lilies and talking cute animals. But this is without reality having something to say about it. Reality is one heck of a party crasher! More often, it slaps the taste off your lavender flavoured fantasy and spikes it up with the stench ingredients of a locally made insecticide.

Ok you are fortunate to see a beautiful lady with a nubile torso divinely mounted on perfect legs of uber-lusciousness and blessed with a toothy smile that would give Cece Winan's dentition a worthy challenge and you think: "this is definitely my ticket to “lala land” and then you marry her and after a while, her “anatomical blings” start losing their shine or worse, a sickness shrinks them away from their once enticing state of plumpness. 
Then what?

Believe me ladies, a lot of guys wouldn't come as Aladdin with a Genie-lamp strapped to their trousers and a flying carpet to glide you across the starry skies. Sadly, they might even come as the hunchback character Quasimodo in Victor Hugo's adapted novel: The Hunchback of Notre Dome. But not to worry, even that story had a pleasant ending.

Let’s face it; the blue-chip jobs might not pour like candy rain after school or you might even lose a good one if I truly know my people, some one must have spitted out the words: God forbid!

But that’s the realness of reality.

The baby might not be formed after three to more years of trying after marriage. How about the realisation that the kid you gave birth to is of the autistic spectrum or conditioned with Down's syndrome? I just heard it again - it is not my portion!

What kind of write-up is this: are u wishing me bad?

But truly, who deserves this portion? Does anyone claim ownership to this fate? Or as long as this stray bullet doesn’t strike your reality then the world is beautiful?

 Life is not a perfect script: get used to it! Its plots are sometimes murky and precariously uncertain. It is sometimes like a merry-go-round but a lot of times, you would not be merry in the way life goes round.

But fortunately, there is a lifeline - God. He is the grand-master of script writing and will definitely help you to cushion the effect of what reality throws. I didn’t say he will necessarily stop it, I said he will cushion the effect. So it would not exactly kill you if you hand over the rudder of your life-boat to him.

  Remember, happily ever after is not the end; it’s only the beginning.


Monday, 22 December 2014

Who cares about height………


I always believe courage is best served when you are well equipped but if you’re a part of those Chinese Shaolin dudes that can defeat a nation of army with just a chopstick and insane fisticuffs, then I guess an exception easily shapes out. Now, before ladies swoon over the idea that I want to talk about leading men with bulging pectorals and big guns, let me slide in my real intent.
So I have this friend and by far one of the coolest cats you can have as a friend. He recently introduced me to this lady after swearing out his tongue that she would satisfy my chatty cravings. Considering my poor run of engaging in fickle and flat conversations spanning weeks now, my faculty lusted for a conversational intercourse badly. Well, we got on the chit-chat and after the usual tick in the box routine questions and answers, things spun out of control when I asked her “what are your essentials in a man?”

 I don’t even know why I asked. It’s not like am trying to make her my exclusive or am I?

 Anyway, maybe I just didn't want this conversation to fall into the countless footnotes of trashy discourse.  After naming what felt like an unending list of virtues consisting of the usual suspects from God-fearing to him having the strength of ten rodeo bulls combined good qualities, the epistle of listing was about to reach its climactic cliché when she said this “and oh very important: he must not be below 6 ft tall”.

Oh she didn't just go there!

Now considering the fact that I am some inches above the Nigerian national average height of 5.4 ft (am guessing some persons just got schooled with that info. Feel free to thank me).  Now, I've come to be quite happy with myself; at least for the fact that I've towered my mindset above my diminutive stature even though thoughts of my father being a 6 ft-plus-giant of a man still haunts me hitherto.

 God why?

To think that this girl just yanked me off her list of worthy suitors automatically because of my height was just something my head was finding hard to comprehend. The issue mentally teleported me to those dark days of fighting the Napoleon complex syndrome: days when I felt like my growth hormones got sieved out of my genes.

 But does the curse of the short man stand too great (pun unintended) to be overlooked for other qualities? or what are the reasons that feed our interest for height preference.

Would it be fair to poke out our blame finger and point towards traditional society that splits us along gender stereotypes: where a man is expected to be endowed with a tall stature and some brawn sprinkled around it while the woman should be slender figure and all pink in attitude? The society tries to fit them into one perfect circle of mutually complementary gender.

But are we not all flawed? Physically or character wise and that’s without me trying to sound like an advocate for the midget community. If our choice for a partner is prioritized purely on the oak-tree stature rather than checking out other character traits then I guess we are revolving towards the marginalization of the Akin and Pawpaw race? Sorry bad joke.

Well, for what it’s worth, maybe I will start looking for a tall woman to create the needed evolutionary drive to give my children a fighting chance at not being short. But as I said, my dad is 6ft plus and my mum 5.3ft and see how I turned out: managing just to be a few inches above the hobbit race (thanks mum). I guess that strategy might fall short in the end.

But what do you think guys?

Yeah, and about that girl, well lets just say we haven’t spoken since.
See y’all later.